The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
