3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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