watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
