Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
