just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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