apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize