I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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