Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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