my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
