I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
