so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
