Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
