umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
