There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize