If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
