i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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