Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
