who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
