when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
