I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And then the night went full on bisexual.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
