Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
