Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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