Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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