Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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