Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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