I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
