the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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