mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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