1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
