We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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