i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
