guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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