hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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