a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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