Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Green mimosas i think yes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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