The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
