I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
