At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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