remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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