Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
