I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
