I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
