When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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