Already got asked if we're dating
Non-Jews are for practice
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
