every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
