can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize