there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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