Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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