i already hear my dad disowning me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize