I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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