I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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