I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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