Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
