sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize