But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
