I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
