Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
