you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
