So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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