Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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