I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize