Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
