forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
