the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
