Don't make out with my wife yet
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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