I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
