Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
