that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
don't judge my taste in strippers
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
