Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
