I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
