Whod you bang
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
