can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize