Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
