Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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