dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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