we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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