I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
