party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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