based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the condom got lost in my hair
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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