I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
