I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
