You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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