yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
