remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
