Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
