Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
