how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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