Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
