The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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