He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
