I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
