I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
