So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
