My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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