I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
