Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
