you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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