You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
