So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize