i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize