honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
