Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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