its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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