I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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