Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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