I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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